- sexless dystopian religious fantasy world

- it used to be if you were a fella gardening you were eitther a criminal or a fag. these days you can be either or neither or both, and it doesn't matter.

- my evil plan to be quiet

.

- Marijuana, gateway to horticulture

- predatory conversationalism

- The meeting went long, and I slept in the car afterward into the noon hour. The car wouldn't start. After confirming the battery was dead, I went inside. Ryan said that there were people who had jumper cables but that they were at lunch. I slept until about 1:30.

- doesn't your religion give you any peace, but you can't ask that

-Cannabis Horticulture Devices
  A stoner could use it.

- Liam was dark. You could see it in his Klaus Nomi and Roogers & Hammerstein posts. He was sick with Crohn's from a young age, and that was a serious factor I'm sure.

- wherever two or three are gathered, people talk too muchh

- earhole detected; begin talking

- countdown to jeff and doug yelling

- Yogurt-Container Bubble-Pumping Cloning Machine

.

Liam was a troubled man, and my friendship with him was troubled commensurately. (Or so it seemed; I had not expected suicide -- but then again I don't know how ill he was.)

Liam had been ill with Crohn's since he was 18. A mutual acquaintance had a brother with Crohn's and said it made him irritable in extremis. You wouldn't see that in Liam, ordinarily. But I did, in the extraordinary circumstance of acquaintance.

One time drunk I left his house crying and we didn't speak for a year or so. Another time he left mine, and we didn't speak for two. Then on re-acquaintance, it was good times and lots of love until I left Ireland. We exchanged books.

.

Forgiveness is important, I know. But I weigh trust as heavily, I suppose, maybe more so. And I've been hammered by distrust, here in this part of my life, by my family.

Mom is beginning to trust me but she still doesn't listen to me in the grocery store. And I don't know where that's going. It's not going to get better unless I fix it and it's late. With Jeff and Doug never easing toward any generous clarification of harsh words a year ago... words that have affected every day of my life here with Mom.

And that's the lens through which I see my relationship with Jodie. Jodie wasn't malicious, and I'm not drawing comparisons of behavior at all. But her decision to never speak with me was influential in my immediate life, and still is. My dad used any chance to disapprove. It was a primary motivator. He didn't have to care, then. I was no good. I wonder if he would have broken his cane over my head while twisted on UTI if Jodie had not quit speaking with me.

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The problem with the catastrophistic vision that Bretz had of the channeled scablands was that it paralleled the Bible story of Noah's Flood.