Home page

Poison pen

Angry all the time

I'm angry all the time.

It never goes away.

Sometimes I feel better for a while. I can talk myself down; and I can be civil to people around me — and I think I'm generally a sweet-hearted person.

But I'm always angry.

All I want is a woman, or women — sexual satisfaction and the comfort and pleasure of the touch of the human female. It never happens, no matter how I try. When I do try, I just get more angry.

I get angry with myself when I don't try. I get angry with women when I do — disgusted at the thinness of the range of possible outcomes, all of which have the same result — frustration and sexual deprivation.

Sometimes I lose a bit of dignity, too, in the effort to find some happiness.

People so glibly recite the platitude rhetorical "what do you have to lose?" But with nothing to gain — according to the record of my experience — loss is all that's available.

  — 12 August 2011 Bend, Oregon