Steve Edwards' website
Republic of Ireland
I returned to Kilkenny Ireland in early March 2004, from Nijmegen where I'd been living with K_ in a tiny student room, and working a few hours per week at a bakery.
I'd never be able to explain nor to justify my trip back to Kilkenny, which lasted until mid-April.
K_ had fallen into steep depression over the winter of '03-'04, and while she was doing better at the time, I cannot offer any rationalization for my decision that vindicates my good intentions. I propose that I was frightened, and ran away.
I have other explanations, but I cannot wash that one away. She asked me, once, some later, and I could not explain.
I did have a plan, such as it was. I thought I'd go to Ireland where I could work; save some money; go to the States, where I'm from, and there apply back to Holland for legal resident status. (That is the way it's supposed to work, on the books the deeply bureaucratic books.)
The inspiration for this idea truth being its own force was a thought that I had whilst experiencing the first, grueling part of a mushroom trip in Amsterdam with a friend of mine. (Or, more accurately, whilst separated from him, off in my own awful state.)
But it made sense in a moment, and I believe motivated me to think accordingly; to wit: go to Ireland.
And I did.
I got my old job back, working with a friend, doing industrial cleaning hardly as bad as it sounds. Windows, floors and carpets, odd jobs here and there about town and region.
I got my old apartment back, and my old room.
K_ needed me, though.
I had to go back.
I missed her, too.