Start at the top

28 March 2003, Kilkenny Ireland —

I'd start at the top, but there's no top, so I'll just start somewhere and work toward the middle — even though there's no middle.

I worked today with Gary, out cleaning windows and sanitary ware on a building site a couple of miles outside town.

I quit Zuni, and I'm glad of it. Aaron, one of the owners, grabbed my shoulder in a fit of anger last Saturday morning at the tail end of a stressed-out breakfast. I wasn't being polite to him, I admit; certainly not deferential. Pissed off, he asked me if I wanted to leave and let him do it. I was ambivalent about the suggestion — apathetic, really. That really pissed him off, and he grabbed me and told me to get back there and finish those breakfasts. I went and got dressed in that moment. Said goodbye to Eddie, the dishwasher, and that was it.

I rang Gary straightaway, and he let the bosses at Emerald know that I was available. I've been working steady this week, and it looks good that I'll keep occupied in the near future. Being outdoors, free of the stress of the kitchen, I'm feeling much more relaxed. The weather has been great; that helps.

Gicu is supposed to come over and talk with Melissa and myself about the possibility of him moving in here. We'll see. That could be good.

I had a run-in with Miki last Monday night. At Morrison's, a late bar, with herself, Gicu, and our friend Kalman, I got stuck into her talking about some things been in the background for a while. She told me I'm not her type, and she told me that she's still with Kacea. She also railed at me for what my country is doing in Iraq. She was quite racist about it—if you'd call American a race. I've never heard her say anything ignorant like the way she went on about that. It was the only thing she said that really bothered me.

It was an argument. She was pissed off. I met the next evening with Gicu, Gary, and Eddie. Gicu said to me, gently but insistently, that Miki is Kacea's girlfriend. That Kacea is coming back — or if not, she will go to him. That they will always be together; that Miki is one of us. Dead right, too.

Kristina's leaving soon. End of the month. She's not speaking to me — not formally. She has been answering matters in polite one-word sentences. Understandable, really, since she's leaving the flat because of me. It's alright.

...

— From an email, 28 March 2003, Kilkenny