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Get Louis Walsh

Ireland, 2010 —

I had a job for a few months at a bakery in Blackrock Village, Cork — a bakery that was ultimately closed by the health department.

We were going to move premises. They had an employee meeting. The problem was that the property was too small for the amount of work we were doing, supplying another retail site, several clients, and two outdoor markets. That's what Roddy and Orla said.

But there were other problems. A long-time employee told me that they had made a customer sick — had served improperly refrigerated, contaminated soup. Also, there had been the rats....

Anyhow, they had a meeting, and they were going to make some changes.

The only apparent changes they ever made were the erratic insistence that the windows by the oven remain closed* (because they didn't have screens,) and the purchase of a white-board for "to do" and "to get." I had suggested that. It was as useful as any idea. The bakery was doomed.

The only person who ever used the whiteboard was Cian, soon to be fired, who wrote "Louis Walsh" under "to get."

Walsh is an entertainment manager and creator of boy-bands. Cian is a musician.

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* That concern about the windows was absurd. Never mind that they could have gotten screens — they were lazy.

One morning the co-owner Roddy came in and greeted myself and the other baker with a squawking "how come the windows are open?" — without the slightest courtesy, there in that little neighbo(u)rhood bakery....

A couple of weeks later he and Orla needed power for their ice-cream machine during the Sunday outdoor market. They strung a cord out one of the windows.

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