Q. What's the difference between the Gardaí and the Kaiser Chiefs?

A. The Kaiser Chiefs can predict a riot.

If work was in the bed, he'd sleep on the floor.

Q. What's the difference between Charlie Haughey and an Aran jumper?
A. One is a country craft.

Q. How do you get a hundred Americans in a 'phone box?
A. Tell them it's not theirs and it's nothing to do with 'em.

"I don't smoke, don't drink, don't back women or ride horses....

Q. What do you call a sex-change operation for a woman?
A. Strapadictomy

Q. What do you call Irish lesbians?
A. Gaelic

Work is the curse of the drinking class.