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Not sleeping
August 2004, Nijmegen the Netherlands —

I'm not sleeping. It's about 11, and I'm going to work at 3.

I think E_ is back, or he's coming back, and that's got a lot to do with why Kim didn't call me this evening.

There is this: when she said maybe I'll see you tonight, I said yeah, maybe so. She turned decidedly darker at about that time, after laughing at my silly joke with me. I think or hypothesize that it's a bit of she felt like it was her decision whether we'd see each other tonight.

That's no excuse for not at least calling me. She said she didn't know whether she'd see me tonight. She left me wondering. I tried to call her. I still can't sleep.

But I think E_'s back. I feel that. I feel that that's why she didn't call me; that's why she is showing me disrespect.

That's what I call it, anyway. Surely her story will be different.

I'm going to turn my telephone off. I'm going to use it as my alarm clock, then I'm going to turn it off for the weekend. I don't want her to call me. If she needs me, she will know where to find me.

25 August 2004, Nijmegen The Netherlands