The longer that a bilingual speaker observes an Anglophone listening to another language, the greater becomes the probability that he or she will ask "do you understand this" in English.

Ultimately the odds are approximately 100%.

It's one of the most stupefying behavio(u)rs in the human repertoire.

External factors do not apparently affect the odds of this question arising — nothing apart from bilingualism itself, and time.

I don't know if I've ever met a bilingual speaker who did not eventually pose this question, in English. If there are any who haven't, it's probably only because they haven't had the proper opportunity.

Nothing that I do or say makes any difference. I think that only a demonstration of mastery would suffice — and maybe not that, either.

I've been asked this question by people who know that it's important for me to not be harrassed about it. Friends of mine.

And the really dense, ludicrous thing about this question is that it makes no sense, by its nature. It's not a real question, because there's no answer.

Sure, I could answer "do you understand this" about Russian: "No" — that's an answer. Irish? "No." Ten or twenty words and the response can still be simple. "Understand this?" No.

But even with French, which I do not speak, the answer begins to get complicated. It's still "no;" but maybe not just no. Maybe I can understand something about what's being said.

, a little bit more. Romanian and Dutch, more still. English, yes — usually.

The answer is nearly always complex in varying degrees. A simple yes-no question is inapplicable — and not just slightly.

But, more importantly, and I've said it before: you're asking me in English, you fucking plonker.

I've said it before. It's a rude question in the wrong language.